Miss You, Grandpa

This has been a really hard blog for me to write, and honestly, it's why I haven't been updating. Because I know I couldn't possibly write about anything else and leave out this very important event. Everyone knows that my grandpa has been getting progressively worse. He started smoking when he was 14, and has always had problems breathing and coughing. Two years ago in January, (during the horrible OU bowl game...I know, pretty sad that I remember that), grandpa had a stroke. Fortunately, he had very few symptoms after wards. He slurred his speech very little, and sometimes it was hard for him to form a word, but other than that, he was back to himself. As the year went on, his speech progressed, but he never really regained all of his strength. For the past couple of years, I have told myself to cherish every moment as there may not be any more. And I remember, sitting at his house during Christmas with my family, that this will probably be his last Christmas.

2009 was a difficult one. In April, he was sent to the hospital again, because he wasn't getting the right amount of oxygen, which meant that it couldn't convert to the proper amount of carbon dioxide and expel itself out of his system. He was in the hospital for a few days, and my typical fun loving grandpa, was flirting with the nurses the whole time:)

I was making it a point to go to OKC every weekend that I could, just so that I could get as much time with him and grandma as possible, and I am so thankful that I did. I can honestly say, that I have no regrets.

In August, I was called, by whom I can't even remember, and told that grandpa was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Apparently he had started having dillusions and grandma called the ambulance because she feared she would not be able to get him in the car or that he would jump out of the car on the way to the hospital. Long story short, he was in ICU for 11 days. He had good days and bad days, and we all spent our time staying up there with him.

I will cherish my final memory of my grandpa. We were in his room on Thursday (a good day), and he was sitting in a chair and looked over at me and winked at me. We laughed and then we all had to leave. I left the room that day honestly thinking that maybe he just might pull through. I even went back home that weekend thinking he was getting better....slowly...but getting better.

Monday morning my sister called. First sign, right? Stacy called. She told me that she had just called mom to see what was going on and mom was getting ready to call dad to call us (the phone tree, you all know how it works). He had not had a good weekend, and was ready to go. They were going to unhook everything (he was not on life support), and just manage his pain. Stacy said it could take 1 - 5 days for everything to happen. Of course, I was going right back to OKC. I told my boss where I was going, and headed that way. Michael offered to go with me, and I let him. On he way up I was honestly hoping that he would be gone by the time I got there. I was drained, had said my goodbye and that I loved him, and...being selfish...I wanted it over. I was so tired of watching him fight for every breath for 2 years and consistenly lose the battle. We made it to the hospital a tad before 2pm. I was the last to arrive. The entire waiting room was filled with my family and it is unfortunate that it took something like this for us all to be together again. Jerry decided to go out to have a cigarette (he promised grandma he was quitting after this), and we sat down to just...well....wait.

1 to 5 days turned into 15 minutes. We were told it was time. Jerry got back up there, and everyone but Christy and I were around him when he passed. I don't regret not being there. I had my wonderful winking memory and that's what I wanted. He knew I was there. I believe he was just waiting for all of us to be there before he felt it was ok to go on. They said that in the last couple of hours he was breathing easier and better than he had for the past 2 weeks, and for that I am thankful. I feel as if a peace came over him.

My grandpa led a fantastic life. He accomplished more than most people will ever even dream about. He could be one sided, but was still loved. He was the leader of our family and will be truly missed.

He passed on August 24, a day that I will always remember.

It's only been a few months, but not a day goes by that I don't think of him. Driving down the road and hear a song and it makes me burst into tears. He was one of the best men I've ever known. Even when he was in the hospital, he was concerned about grandma's safety, and wanted people to check that she made it home ok.

If you've ever been to their house, you know that grandpa has a chair. It's HIS chair, and when we all left the hospital and went home, there were too many people in that little house....and no body sat in the chair. It was an unspoken rule. Even to this day I feel awkward sitting in his chair, but I also feel comforted, like he's still there.